


No Man's Land

by feentanz



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Christmas, F/F, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 18:25:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21058937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feentanz/pseuds/feentanz
Summary: Narcissa wished she could explain. She wished she could take Lily’s hand in hers, squeeze it and tell her that she would love nothing more than to come home with her, go ice skating, bake cookies, unwrap presents. But she couldn't. Because she was a Black, and so instead she would come home to a manor full of strangers, and a family who was obsessed with pureblood society. And while Narcissa had a place in those ranks, Lily most certainly did not.





	No Man's Land

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the prompts "It doesn't feel like Christmas if you're not here" and "We broke up just before the holidays and now I'm missing you" for HogwartsOnline!

Narcissa looked down into the Hogwarts courtyard, watching the snowfall. A few first-years were running around, throwing snowballs at each other, their laughter echoing through the air. It was the last day before the holidays and classes had already ended, and so she was sitting alone in her charms classroom, writing a few lasts notes before beginning to pack. 

It was cold today, not unusual for december, and the professors had already set up the huge christmas tree, same as every year. Hogwarts was preparing for Christmas. 

Not that she was in any way in a festive mood. Going home over the holidays was almost as dreadful as sitting around a Christmas tree and pretending that everything was fine, that everything which had happened the entire long year didn’t matter only because it was a holiday all of a sudden. 

There was a knock on the classroom door and Narcissa looked up as she noticed Lily Evans, wearing an oversized wool hat on top of her red hair, which might have looked ridiculous on everyone else, but somehow managed to look adorable on Lily. Her hair was messy and filled with snowflakes, clinging to her like little crystals. Her cheeks and nose were flushed from the cold. Something else flickered over her face, and she looked down quickly. “Can I come in for a moment?” she asked hesitantly, still standing in the doorway. 

Narcissa fought the strong urge to get up and walk away, to run and hide. But she had faced scarier things than Lily Evans in her life. 

Or so she thought, until Lily sank down next to her at one of the tables, fluffing her pretty hair over her shoulders and regarding Narcissa with a long look, her huge green eyes thoughtful. “Last day of classes today”, she said eventually. 

“Thank you, I had almost forgotten”, Narcissa muttered back, ignoring the guilt settling in her stomach as she saw Lily’s expression. She had not meant to be mean, but it was easier than letting herself getting caught up in other feelings again. 

Lily hesitated, biting her lip. “I was going to ask you if you still wanted to come back home with me over the holidays”, she said eventually. “You know, celebrate Christmas with us.” 

_ With us.  _ Narcissa was hardly prepared for how much those words hurt. She forced herself not to look at the other girl, not to stare into those green eyes and get lost again. “I can’t”, she replied, voice sharp. “We broke up, if I have to remind you.” 

Lily looked away. “ _ You _ broke us up”, she sat quietly. “Without any reason.” 

True, and yet not. Narcissa played with the necklace she was wearing, the one her mother had gifted her on her 14th birthday. Bellatrix had a similar one, although she wore it with much more pride. They were reminders, reminders of who they were. _Noble members of House Black. _Once, Narcissa had worn her chin high and embraced the title that was her last name, but then after she had met Lily Evans, on a sunlit day in late autumn, everything had changed. “It’s better this way”, she said to Lily. “Trust me.” 

Lily huffed, shaking her head. “Trust you. Right.” She sounded almost bitter. 

Narcissa wished she could explain. She wished she could take Lily’s hand in hers, squeeze it and tell her that she would love nothing more than to come home with her, go ice skating, bake cookies, unwrap presents. 

But she couldn't. Because she was a Black, and so instead she would come home to a manor full of strangers, and a family who was obsessed with pureblood society. And while Narcissa had a place in those ranks, Lily most certainly did not. 

She remembered Bella’s face when she had first heard about who Narcissa was dating, the way she had snarled and threatened to tell on her. She had enjoyed it, the way Narcissa had begged her to stay silent. Loved every minute of it. In the end she had made good on her promise and not mentioned it, but the silent thread was hanging above their heads like a sword.  _ “It’s going to be fun, Cissy”, she had drawled. “I hope I will be the one who gets to play with her first.”  _ It was a dangerous thing to say, even for Bellatrix, to speak so openly about attacking others, but Narcissa had long realized that her sister was beyond the point of caring. 

And within this family, she could not dare to get any closer to Lily Evans. Because the Black family did not associate with half-bloods, and Narcissa’s personal relations hardly made an exception. That was the price she would need to live with, for better or worse. 

“Cissa”, Lily interrupted her thoughts. She was fiddling with the ends of her jacket. “I still have your Christmas present.” She was holding a little wrapped box, with a red bow on top. 

“Early presents are bad luck”, Narcissa remarked, but she took it anyway. Because when did she ever have the heart to tell Lily no. She did not even have the courage to tell her the truth, because she had been too ashamed to admit that apart from the noble reason of wanting to protect Lily, she had also followed a different train of thought. Narcissa unwrapped the present, cutting through the paper with her nails. To a Black, reputation was the highest good. And if someone were to find out that she was dating someone below her family’s standards… perhaps it made her a coward, but Narcissa did not wish to find out what might happen then. 

The present turned out to be a small black box, which she hesitantly opened under Lily’s watchful eyes. A silver ring was inside, and Narcissa took a sharp breath as she noticed. It matched the one Lily was wearing, the one she never took off. It had a small flower carved into the silver. 

“You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to”, Lily said now, brushing a strand of red hair behind her ear. “I just wanted to give it to you.” 

Narcissa felt the air drawn from her lungs as she reached for the ring, the silver cold in her hands. “Thank you”, she said very quietly. And she didn’t just mean the ring. She meant everything, every moment, every smile, every kiss. Everything Lily had so generously given her, everytime she had made Narcissa feel less alone in the world. 

Lily smiled, a sad smile, but still bright enough to light up the world. “If you change your mind”, she said carefully. “You are always welcome at my house.” 

Narcissa forced herself to smile, still looking down at the ring in her palm. A reminder of what could never be. 

Lily got to her feet now, a ginger strand of hair falling into her face. “Merry Christmas.” For a moment she only looked down at the other girl, biting her lip. “But it’s not really Christmas if it’s not with you”, she added in a whisper, then turned around and rushed out of the room without looking back. 

Narcissa stared after her, and if she had not known better she would have thought she could feel her heart break in this very moment. 


End file.
